random porn customers… part 2 (crackhead shoplifter)

The porn store had its fair amount of shoplifters. I didn’t have much taken on my shifts, mostly because I didn’t have the music cranked up to eleven and I’d ask people if they needed help if I heard them opening boxes. And because I was kind of a bitch when I was there and people were a little scared of me.

Some of my coworkers had some great shit stolen during their shifts. One girl had someone swipe a leather gimp mask, complete with zippers over the eyes and mouth. I guess the people were really needing to play out some Pulp Fiction fantasies.

Another coworker had a 14″ realistic dildo with balls stolen on her shift. Hmmm….”14 inches” and “realistic”… 2 things that don’t go together. But how the hell does someone get out of a store with over a foot long weiner without anyone noticing? (Actually, I sold one of those 14 inchers to a chick one time who was like 5 foot nothing. That was one of the few times I actually did a double take. Sizing her up, it looked like that thing would end up in her lungs…)

Anyway, back to the shoplifters. We used to have this crack head who would come in, grab all the clothes off of a rack, then run out the door. Even if you called 911 as soon as this guy came in, he’d be gone before anyone in dispatch even answered. I’d been warned about him, but I hadn’t been graced by his presence…. until one day he walks in.

I knew what crack head looked like from the description my fellow porn comrades gave me. As soon as he walked in the door, I sneaked over to the door and flipped the deadbolt. Then I went back to the counter to watch the fun ensue. The dude snatched an armload of stripper wear off a rack, then ran for the door…. and smacked right into the damn thing. Crack head hit the door so hard, he knocked himself on his own ass.

I had already hit our panic button for the police, so I gave the guy a choice… walk out without anything or wait for the cops. Needless to say, he left the clothes, figured out how to open that deadbolt, and got the fuck out pretty damn quick.

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