random porn customers… part 4 (porn store pick-up lines)

I got hit on a lot at the porn store. But, I figured out pretty quickly that anyone working in a porn store is going to get hit on a ton. Hell, you could put a trained orangutan behind the counter and I bet he would get hit on more than me. Lots of people in this world want to role play Clint Eastwood and Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose…

There’s just something about the atmosphere of lingerie, dildos, and barely dressed women on magazine covers that makes people a little bold. There were several types of porn store pick up styles. First, there were the guys who would rent a porn and say, “So, do you want to come home and watch this with me?” This was actually not that bad of a line… just bad when I heard it five times a night.

Next were the persistent guys that just would not give up. Every time these guys came in, they’d ask me out, no matter how many times I already said no. The worst were the lawyers, maybe because they’re not used to admitting defeat. When I told one lawyer, sorry, but I had a boyfriend, he started grilling me. “What does your boyfriend do for a living? Can he buy you jewelry and clothes? Can he take you on cruises and vacations to the islands?” I mean, really, did he think that trying to make my boyfriend look bad would make me think better of him? I finally told him, “Seriously, I am not for sale, so fuck off”.

Then there were the couples who would try to pick me up for a threesome. Some would just come right out and ask if I wanted to go home with them. Others would at least offer to buy me a drink first. Either way, no couple who hit on me at the store got to take me home.

But my personal favorites were the guys who thought a smooth pickup move was to whip out their dicks. Just skip the small talk and get right to it. I had a standard comeback for these special guys. I’d point to the corner and say, “One… you are on camera.” Then I’d look down at their package and say, “And two… I am not impressed.” Not very nice, but it sure made guys zip up their pants and hit the door.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s