random porn customers… part 5 (customer service with a smile)

Customer service can be a bit tricky at a porn store.  I mean, when people are looking at dildos and ask, “What would you use?”, you have to figure out just how customer friendly you want to get.  I worked with a few gals who would tell customers what toys they owned and if they were sensational or shitty.  Me… that’s a little too personal for my taste.  So when people would ask what toy I’d recommend, I’d ask them what size they were looking for, then go from there. On a side note, it was always the dildos, never the anal plugs that people wanted help with.  I guess the people buying anal plugs knew exactly what they wanted up their asses.

With the movie rentals, I was a little more laid back about giving recommendations.  If anyone asked for what’s good, I’d ask for what they were looking for, then point them in the right direction… if they were nice.  And I could point them exactly to the area with the movie I thought they’d like.  The librarian in me organized all the porn movies by genre, then put all the categories in alphabetical order.  Well, until the area manager told me to cut that shit out because it was a waste of time. But my thinking was, if this is the first time you’ve gotten your wife to rent some porn with you, and you’re looking for some nice couple-oriented movies, then you don’t want to scare her off when she sees a whole anal series entitled, “Stop, My Ass is on Fire” or “ATM…Ass to Mouth”.

Also, it helped that I knew the titles of the movies most porn stars where in.  So if a customer asked for some movies with Tera Patrick, I could rattle of 4 or 5 titles that the porn store owned.  This dorky talent of mine came in especially handy when one Chiefs player would frequently call the store and ask the manager to pull movie rentals for him. He would ask for specific porn stars’ movies.  The manager would then call me at my day job and have me list off some movies.  That must have been particularly interesting to the people at my day job in a library when I would say into the phone, “Okay, that porn star is in ‘Dyke Diner’, ‘Extreme Sex 3′, Sleeping Booty’, and ‘Thunderbox’.”

Now if someone asked me what movies I liked, but the person was an asshole to me, I’d give him (or her) the shittiest fucking movies I could think of. Seriously, we’re talking mid-1980’s, shitty-lighting, big haired, big-bushed women, ugly, flabby men… the whole nine.  So you see, it pays to be nice to your porn clerks… sometimes they might just do you right.

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