random porn customers… part 31 (door to door doctrine)

When I’m not selling naughty toys, I work in a library. I even have the standard issue librarian glasses that I wear on occasion. The other day, two Mormons came into the library. They had just gotten into town and wanted to use some computers. And what were they doing? Using Google Maps to plot out their door-to-door campaign for world domination/ indoctrination.

It reminded me of the time I was at the porn store pricing a new shipment of lingerie, and two guys came in wearing suits with ties. They asked me if I was saved and they wanted to tell me about the book of Mormon.  Now, I didn’t think they were even supposed to look at the kind of stuff we had, and I’m not sure how they ended up in my store. Maybe their own Google Map skills weren’t so hot.

I politely said something like, “You guys coming into a porn store to sell me religion is about like me going to your church to sell dildos. It’s not the right place and it’s kind of tacky.” I told them they needed to leave unless they were going to look around or buy something.  They looked at me like I was going to hell, thanked me for my time, and walked out. I don’t have anything against religion, I just don’t need it sold to me while I’m trying to price crotchless panties.

6 Comments

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  1. i was going to say something here. then decided i had probably better just keep my mouth closed. lest i offend the pious and the righteous.

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  2. i LOVE your analogy, girl!!!

    you should have asked them about the movie Orgazmo (1997)!

    let me offer up a quote:

    Joe Young: We’re from The Church of Jesus Christ.
    Old Lady: Oh, the Mormons?
    Joe Young: That’s right. I’m elder Young and this is elder White.
    Old Lady: Well, you two boys can just fuck right off.
    Joe Young: Ma’am?
    Old Lady: You heard me. Take that book of Mormons and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pigfuckers.

    Like

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