random porn customers… part 44 (dumpster diving)

One night as I was closing the porn store, I found a guy in the store’s dumpster. Okay, actually he was on the ground going through trash bags he had pulled from the dumpster. The porn store’s dumpster had a fence around it with a door, so the guy had some privacy… until I came out to throw away that night’s trash. I pulled open the fence door and there he was, bent over a trash bag with that deer in the headlights look. He stared at me and I stared back until I couldn’t stand the suspense anymore. I asked Dumpster Diver what the hell he was doing.

Apparently, he had returned a defective movie to us the day before and exchanged it for another one. However, the movie he exchanged really wasn’t defective…he just said that to the clerk who did the exchange. Dumpster Diver thought we threw the defective movies away, and he came to find the movie he exchanged so he could have two porns for the price of one. It actually wasn’t a bad plan, except we didn’t throw away defective movies. We returned them to our warehouse. I told this to Dumpster Diver… as I made him throw all the trash bags back into the dumpster.

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  1. Dumpster porn is the best porn. The first-ever picture of a naked lady I ever saw was in a Playboy magazine pulled out of a dumpster by a kid in my dad’s neighborhood. The second-best kind of porn is scrambled cable porn. Tier-three porn would be lingerie catalogs.

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  2. I heard of someone who went dumpster diving after the college students left for the summer. She found a vibrator and decided to take it home for use (I’m guessing she lived in a trailer park). I’m pretty sure she didn’t clean it very well before she took it for a run, because she landed in the hospital months later with rotten crotch.

    I shudder when I think of it.

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  3. Trashcan porn was a staple of growing up in my small town. None of my friends Dads had so much as Playboy, but we got by from hitting trashcans before school on Wednesday (trash day)mornings.

    But Heather brings up the point that some things are NOT good for salvage. In addition to vibrators I would say tuna sandwiches and recently fired handguns should be left alone.

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