produce pick up

I ventured to Sunfresh in Westport a few nights ago to pick up a few things. I was in the produce section when a guy walked up to me and said, “Excuse me, do you have any food allergies?”

I thought it was weird, but I told him no, and asked why. He said, “It’s good to know when I take you out to dinner on our first date.”

Pretty bad, huh? So what our some of your favorite bad pick up lines? I know The D will have a few for us :)-

screwy security

I flew to DC on 9/11 and came back to KC the next day. Homeland Security national threat advisory was at orange, or high. And guess what I got through security at two airports?


A screwdriver. I had a full-size screwdriver in my carry-on luggage, and I didn’t even know it was there. Neither airport caught it.  It’s great to know our airport security is taking such good care of us.

drive-thru dispute


I’ve had a string of white trash run-ins lately. It started with a camping trip,  then Walmart, and yesterday it continued in a McDonalds drive-thru. I pulled into line for breakfast, and the guy in the car ahead of me honked at the car in front of him. I guess the woman in that car didn’t pull around fast enough for this guy.  The woman put her head out the window, and said, “Fuck you, you fucking idiot.”

I couldn’t hear the guy’s response, but it made the woman get out of her car. She walked to his car window and yelled, “I’m getting married next week, and you’ll never find someone as good as me.” His response? “I feel sorry for the guy marrying your dumb ass.”

Did I mention that the guy had his hair spiked up like a porcupine and his car had vanity plates? And the woman had on a 90’s combo of biker shorts/oversized t-shirt, and looked like she had a meth habit?

Um, I really need to start hanging out at better places.