Back when I used to work at the porn store, there was a guy who would call and ask what kind of men’s bathing suits we had. He didn’t want to hear about trunks… only ball squeezing speedo types of bathing suits. He would want me to describe them to him. The first time he called, I did describe them. But when he started calling every Sunday afternoon, I figured out what a whacko he was.

First he would ask about the material. Then he would ask how butt hugging they were. Finally, he would ask how large the crotches on them were since he had such an incredibly large package. It always amazes me how many dirty callers have large packages…

Anyway, one Sunday a guy came in and checked out are men’s bathing suits and asked me when we were getting a new shipment. It was November at the time, so I told him, “Not anytime time soon.” Looking heartbroken, he bought some lube and some condoms and left. About 30 minutes later, I get a call from someone asking about men’s bathing suits. Coincidence? I think not.

The guy goes into his usual spiel about how his package is big and he hopes what we have will hold him. So I said, “Look, you would know since you were just in here looking at our suits. Of course he denied it, so I said, “Isn’t your name ____? No? But I’m reading it right off the credit card slip for your lube and condoms. Might I add, not extra large condoms for you extra large crotch. Now, if I look up your name in the phone book and compare the number to the one on my caller ID, won’t the number be the same?”

The porn store didn’t have caller ID, but of course large crotch Speedo guy didnt know that. He hung up on me, and as far as I know, he never called back.