It looks like I’ve been tagged team by Spyder and Erin to tell eight random things about me.  Here we go:

1. One of my career aspirations in junior high was to work in a place where I could wear suits like Susan Dey wore in L.A. Law.  Hmmm, dress code probably isn’t the best reason to pursue a career…

2. In junior high, I had a huge crush on George Michael. I still own most of his CDs.

3. I got a bloody nose from a flying beer pitcher in a bar.  I stood there momentarily stunned, bleeding into my libation. Thankfully, one of the staff members knew exactly what to do… he brought me another drink.

4. I know from experience to never again eat Mexican food before an overseas flight.

5. After my first car accident, an ambulance was called and a paramedic asked me questions… my name, the date, who the president was. When I said the president was Hillary Clinton instead of Bill, the paramedic laughed and said I obviously didn’t have any brain damage.

6. During a year in college, I worked in a daycare. The little ones were supposed to call me Miss Michelle. That was a tongue twister for 2 and 3 year olds, so they called me Miss Chelle instead.

7. I broke one of my index fingers during a game of touch football. I re-broke the same finger a few months later playing basketball.

8. I saw my first set of breast implants in an Easy Rider magazine when I was in 5th or 6th grade. At the time, I didn’t know that the woman in the magazine had implants, or even what implants were … I just wanted to know how I could make my boobs grow perfectly round like hers.

Okay, so now it’s my turn to tag a few people. Erikka at Cubicle Gangsta, Chris at Farmer Bob, Sharon at her MySpace blog, and Nuclear Buffalo

One night as I was closing the porn store, I found a guy in the store’s dumpster. Okay, actually he was on the ground going through trash bags he had pulled from the dumpster. The porn store’s dumpster had a fence around it with a door, so the guy had some privacy… until I came out to throw away that night’s trash. I pulled open the fence door and there he was, bent over a trash bag with that deer in the headlights look. He stared at me and I stared back until I couldn’t stand the suspense anymore. I asked Dumpster Diver what the hell he was doing.

Apparently, he had returned a defective movie to us the day before and exchanged it for another one. However, the movie he exchanged really wasn’t defective…he just said that to the clerk who did the exchange. Dumpster Diver thought we threw the defective movies away, and he came to find the movie he exchanged so he could have two porns for the price of one. It actually wasn’t a bad plan, except we didn’t throw away defective movies. We returned them to our warehouse. I told this to Dumpster Diver… as I made him throw all the trash bags back into the dumpster.

Customers would often come into the porn store looking for particular movies that they didn’t know much about.  Sometimes I could help, but often I couldn’t because there are massive amounts of porn made every year, and the porn store couldn’t possibly stock them all.

One guy asked me if I knew the movie about car salesmen that had a woman who ends up having sex with a clown in a bathtub.  That one was American Built featuring Nikki Dial.  A few customers requested “the movies that have rock stars throwing lunchmeat at chicks”.  That was the  series Backstage Sluts… classy, eh?  One asked for the movie with Ron Jeremy as Greek God Hermes.  The movie was called Underworld and Ron Jeremy’s version of Hermes was a cab driver with wings on his hat.

And speaking of Ron Jeremy, I’ve been looking for a particular movie with him in it lately.  I saw the box cover one night at Ray’s a few years ago.  The box cover featured Ron Jeremey having sex with an anatomically correct puppet.  Or maybe it was a doll.  Actually, I don’t know what the hell it was, but it reminded of a muppet.  So for a couple of months after this great find, I would drag different friends into Ray’s to look at the box cover.

Unfortunately, I don’t remember the title anymore, so lately I’ve been slightly obsessed with finding out what it is.  Now mind you, I don’t actually want to watch this damn movie.  I just want to know that I didn’t make it up in my head one drunken night.  So far, I haven’t found the name of this puppet porn, but dammit, I’m going to find it.  Maybe I just need to go to a porn store and ask the porn clerks if they know what movie I’m talking about.